I’ll just be straight-up: I don’t have the money to actually gamble right now. There are a lot of things I’ve told myself that I would do once I get a steady paycheck and lose the ball and chain. I’m gonna buy an actually nice pair of shoes, buy a round of drinks for the bar, and gamble within my means on sporting events that I typically do not care about. For now, fake gambling will have to suffice. The way I do this is by going on the ESPN app and seeing what the line is and what the O/U is. I just pick so I know what my record would be at the end of the day, not to actually see how much money I would make/lose because that math is too complicated. Side note: I learned the multiplication tables so fast in elementary school it would have made your goddamn head spin. Mental math was a strong suit of mine and I should definitely include that in the Skills section of my LinkedIn page.

Obviously, tomorrow is a huge NBA day with two Game 7s. I’m being dragged to the grocery store tomorrow, but I hope to sit on my couch and watch all the basketball my heart desires and not miss too much time deciding whether I want Crunch Berries or Cinnamon toast crunch. A very difficult decision worth spending more than three seconds on, but not difficult enough to miss the tip of the Blazers game at 3:30 pm.

Blazers @ Nuggets (-5.5) O/U 212.5

  • I feel like, for the most part, this series has been very competitive. This line feels high, especially considering Portland has taken a game in Denver already.
  • I might just be a sucker for Lillard cause literally the first playoff basketball I watched, besides the NBA finals, was the Blazers-Warriors second-round series in 2016. That was the series where Steph declared himself back from an injury only use to use it as a crutch when the Warriors blew the finals a month later. I fucking loved watching Lillard and McCollum stare down the giants and would love to see them get another crack at it.
Image result for steph curry im back gif
via NBA/giphy
  • Pick: Blazers +5.5, over 212.5. Blazers have played a shit-ton more playoff basketball than these Nuggets and that will play to their advantage in a pivotal game seven. BOLD PREDICTION: Lillard makes a WTF shot inside a minute left for the dagger to send Portland to the Western Conference Finals.

76ers @ Raptors (-6.5) O/U 209

  • Why do I feel like the baby Sixers are gonna shit in their diaper and not even have a chance in this game against Robo-Kawhi and the Raptors? I admit I’ve seen maybe 10 minutes of this series but rumor has it Kawhi has been a killer.
  • Kawhi literally won a Finals MVP 365 days after legally being allowed to drink a Bud Light and I feel like people forget that.
  • I think this round was another minor step forward in the Process, but I think Kawhi gets the Raps over the hump and back into the Eastern Conference Finals.
  • Pick: Raptors -6.5, under 209

DISCLAIMER: I watched about a game and a half on Christmas Day and maybe a total of 37 minutes of regular season basketball besides that. I do listen to Ryen Russillo and Bill Simmons talk NBA so I think I know what the fuck is going on. The main reason to trust my picks though is because I have a wordpress.

-tomfoolery was here