This is the brief story of the one and only time I’ve ever been called a fuckboi. It’s not my proudest moment, and I’ve been humbled (not really) as a result. I’ve learned to deny, deny, deny and the results will be a lot better.

To be clear, I don’t know why girls are so god-damn nosey about these types of questions. Especially right off the bat. I feel like the policy should be to go on a couple dates before getting down to the nitty-gritty and asking the make-it-or-break-it questions. It’s always interesting though because you know when the sex-related questions are going to come up. The girls try to preface it and play it off before asking, but the inevitable “how many people have you been with?” or “when was the last time you had sex?” questions arise.

To set the scene, I had gone out with this girl on a Saturday night. Bar-hopped around town and actually had a decent time. Dropped her off, made out in my 2008 Saturn Aura, and then drove home. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The following evening, we had been texting a little bit and she brings out the big guns. I was on the defensive and she asks when the last time I had sex was. I replied, do you really want to know, like are you sure? She says yes. I replied, “Honestly, earlier tonight.”

This is when honesty is not the best policy. Looking back on it, I probably shouldn’t have told the truth, I should’ve just said it’s been a couple of weeks. But I also don’t know where this girl’s head was at. Ignorance is bliss in this situation for me. I prefer not to know anything about a girl’s previous sexual history, because honestly, it doesn’t really matter. As long as she’s clean, why would I want to know how many times she’s been dicked down? Although if she has sucked two dicks in one night, that might be a red flag. But again, ignorance is bliss.

Regardless, she called me a fuckboi and we never spoke again. She tweeted some bullshit about how all men are trash and I felt that. Down in my plums. Until I had sex again two days later and never thought about her dumb ass again.

-tomfoolery was here