According to mythology, limbo is when a person is stuck awaiting a decision on if they will be in heaven or hell after death. It is a physical place that they are stuck.

In reality, limbo isn’t quite as extreme. But the sensation of being stuck is a very real one. Right now, I feel stuck.

In my industry, it is almost deemed a prerequisite to do a two-year Master’s program before entering the field full-time. Think of it as an apprenticeship or something along those lines. I just completed my first year and since my contract runs the length of a school year, I am currently not working and not getting paid since regular classes are not in session.

I am in limbo because while working in this apprenticeship, I am grinding. It’s a full-time job for little pay in a tiny town, not to mention the graduate classes that I am taking. The place I am working is about 1,000 miles and 15-16 hours away from home. I am stuck.

Due to the two-year agreement, I feel stuck in all sorts of aspects in my life. I can’t commit to any relationships because I am planning on not being in this place by next May. I don’t want to get too involved with someone when I am planning on leaving. That pertains to people from my hometown as well as the new place. It’s very lonely.

I also just feel stuck because I’m working a full-time gig without the full-time benefits: a sizeable paycheck, health insurance, vacation, etc. I feel exploited. I’ve applied to a few full-time jobs, but haven’t pursued anything too strongly due to my previous commitment. But my boss, who I greatly enjoy working with, doesn’t have the same two-year commitment. It scares me that she will leave and I’ll be left alone ot pick up the pieces of an already fragile ecosystem.

I have been going crazy being home and not working all summer. None of my real friends are in this place. My college friends are still in our college town. My friends from high school — the few I kept in touch with — are in their college towns. I went out with a girl a few times but she has a full-time job and once again, the whole commitment thing.

There’s not really a conclusion to this blog. I just feel very much in limbo and wanted to put it in writing. Thanks.