Sex. Anytime there’s more than a 0% chance I might be having sex, I make my bed. Ordinarily, my bed is just a huge mess of pillows and blankets. But you gotta make a good impression when trying to bed a respectable lady, and in my mind, a made bed makes that positive impression.

Now that I think about it, it’s pretty much a dead giveaway. Unfortunately, I still live in my parent’s guest room and they’re probably on to me. The other day, my mom stopped me as I was leaving to ask me how my night was and if had slept with any strangers. Spoiler: I had slept with a stranger that night, but I sheepishly said no. I gotta get out of here.