According to mythology, limbo is when a person is stuck awaiting a decision on if they will be in heaven or hell after death. It is a physical place that they are stuck.
In reality, limbo isn’t quite as extreme. But the sensation of being stuck is a very real one. Right now, I feel stuck.
In my industry, it is almost deemed a prerequisite to do a two-year Master’s program before entering the field full-time. Think of it as an apprenticeship or something along those lines. I just completed my first year and since my contract runs the length of a school year, I am currently not working and not getting paid since regular classes are not in session.
I am in limbo because while working in this apprenticeship, I am grinding. It’s a full-time job for little pay in a tiny town, not to mention the graduate classes that I am taking. The place I am working is about 1,000 miles and 15-16 hours away from home. I am stuck.
Due to the two-year agreement, I feel stuck in all sorts of aspects in my life. I can’t commit to any relationships because I am planning on not being in this place by next May. I don’t want to get too involved with someone when I am planning on leaving. That pertains to people from my hometown as well as the new place. It’s very lonely.
I also just feel stuck because I’m working a full-time gig without the full-time benefits: a sizeable paycheck, health insurance, vacation, etc. I feel exploited. I’ve applied to a few full-time jobs, but haven’t pursued anything too strongly due to my previous commitment. But my boss, who I greatly enjoy working with, doesn’t have the same two-year commitment. It scares me that she will leave and I’ll be left alone ot pick up the pieces of an already fragile ecosystem.
I have been going crazy being home and not working all summer. None of my real friends are in this place. My college friends are still in our college town. My friends from high school — the few I kept in touch with — are in their college towns. I went out with a girl a few times but she has a full-time job and once again, the whole commitment thing.
There’s not really a conclusion to this blog. I just feel very much in limbo and wanted to put it in writing. Thanks.
Literally anything else, probably. As someone who has not been on trial for double murder, maybe I don’t have the authority to speak on this matter. But what the fuck does “getting even” mean, Orenthal??
Here’s a list of things O.J. should do instead of be on Twitter:
Read a book: This would definitely be a great way to kill time and not people.
Watch Netflix: I haven’t gotten around to watching it, but I’ve heard that How to Get Away with Murder is a great binge-watch. I’m sure O.J. knows all about it.
Take a weekend trip to Vegas: You know what they say… What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. O.J. would never find himself in trouble on the Strip.
Seriously, who thought this was a good idea. I wish I could be in that meeting room to hear the discussion. He claims there are a lot of fake O.J. Simpson accounts, but I’ve never heard of people being duped by it. I’m just imagining a parody Simpson account operating like the Post Malone parody account.
Now that I think about it, maybe hearing O.J.’s opinion on Game of Throne could have been entertaining.
To whom it may concern… If you didn’t know, now you do: I’m not a confrontational person. I’ve thrown one punch in my life, which stemmed from a lethal cocktail of 10 Bud Lights, a few Platinums, and a couple playful shoves that turned nasty. Spoiler alert: the punch did not land.
Due to my limitations, I am not one to solve problems with violence. But there has to be a better solution than a strongly worded letter. When in the history of history has a strongly worded letter proven effective? The only people who use the phrase are definitely narcs.
Is the new strongly worded letter a Change.org petition? Maybe it’s a tweet that says “retweet if you agree, trying to prove a point.” Is technology ruining effective conflict resolution or streamlining the process? By sharing a tweet with my 74 followers that are definitely real and not porn bots, I am fighting the power.
My point remains that people in power have definitely never used a letter-opener that also serves as a refrigerator magnet to open an envelope, read the enclosed letter, and thought to themselves, “you know, this random person makes a really good point.”
With this being said, any time I say I’m going to write a strongly worded letter, it elicits at least a giggle from whoever I’m speaking to. Maybe that just speaks to my charm or devilishly handsome features, I’m not sure.
Now that I re-read this, I don’t like it’s strongly-worded enough. FUCK THE PATRIARCHY. BURN DOWN THE ESTABLISHMENT. FUCK YOU AND YOUR STRONGLY-WORDED-LETTER-NOT-MAKING-ANY-IMPACT-ON-REAL-LIFE ASS. That fits the criteria, I think.
What is commitment and why am I scared of it? Ever since I broke up with a girl that I thought was perfect for most of the relationship almost four years ago, I’ve been a commitment-phobe. The reason I broke up with her was because we were dating long-distance in college and I couldn’t see what three more years apart looked like. What would happen after graduation? What is the next step? All of those questions plagued my 19-year-old brain, and now my mind is warped, as a result.
In that relationship, I did all of the sappy boyfriend shit. I sent flowers, I did the instagram captions, I paid for shit I should not have paid for (a fucking riverboat cruise in Washington, DC in February, so dumb). So I think subconsciously I have avoided being a good boyfriend (aka doing that dumb sappy shit that girls love) in future relationships since I’ve seen it end up for naught. Why do I think this way?
The longer I sit here and think about writing this blog, I think a huge part is how easy it is to not commit. It’s a lot easier to not move in with someone and stay in the comfortable situation that you’re used to. It’s a lot easier to not have to constantly be communicating with someone and just hit someone up for some company when you’re lonely. It’s a lot easier to be an asshole and the bad guy.
Another reason I think it’s hard for me to commit is just the sheer access to people we have in 2019. It’s never been easier/less stressful to meet someone than it is today. It’s terrifying to think that in a world of 7 billion people, you are expected to find the one person that’s perfect for you. That’s a daunting task. Am I really expected to believe that the person that’s meant for me grew up in my school district, or went to the same college as me, or happens to work in the same general area of the world as me?
So how do you know when to commit to something? What’s the signal? Why can’t this shit be easy? I feel like I should know innately. It should just be a gut feeling. I feel like it should be a slam dunk, I shouldn’t have second thoughts. For so long, I felt like moving in together was the right move, and then when she asked if it was only for convenience, it felt like maybe it was. I really have no idea what to do. I still feel like an asshole. This blog is over.
Sex. Anytime there’s more than a 0% chance I might be having sex, I make my bed. Ordinarily, my bed is just a huge mess of pillows and blankets. But you gotta make a good impression when trying to bed a respectable lady, and in my mind, a made bed makes that positive impression.
Now that I think about it, it’s pretty much a dead giveaway. Unfortunately, I still live in my parent’s guest room and they’re probably on to me. The other day, my mom stopped me as I was leaving to ask me how my night was and if had slept with any strangers. Spoiler: I had slept with a stranger that night, but I sheepishly said no. I gotta get out of here.
I like to think I’m a naturally inquisitive person. I see shit in my daily life that constantly makes me go, “why is that the way it is?” Here’s a brief list.
When do people with accents realize they have accents? I wish I had a voice that people enjoyed listening to. I’ve done some radio work and been told I have “poor vocal energy,” not that I’m salty, it’s just tangentially-related to the topic. Anyway, I wish people thought I had golden pipes. But I know some people from other countries and other regions, and I’m just wondering when they realize their voice is special. Is it just when they leave their home region?
How does a sign 8 miles away know how many parking spaces are available at a rest stop? This is kind of a niche topic, but still, the point remains. Is it a radar system? Is there an underpaid federal worker counting one-by-one as the people leave? I’m curious about this because it’s not like a parking garage where you pull a ticket upon entry. I’m also just genuinely curious how accurate these things are.
What’s the difference between “falling” and “fallen” rock? Driving in regions with mountainous areas have these signs constantly along the highways. My curiosity lies with the variation in tenses. At one point, both signs were present at the same location. My mind was absolutely fucked when I saw that. Falling rock would imply you’re driving through a literal mudslide.
Why did my high school have Mac N’ Cheese on Wednesdays for the soup of the day? I miss this mac n’ cheese on a regular basis. But in no world is mac n’ cheese a soup. Straight from Wikipedia:
Soup is a primarily liquid food, generally served warm or hot that is made by combining ingredients of meat or vegetables with stock, or water.
This mac n’ cheese was thicker than a bowl of oatmeal and in no way was there any liquid involved. Just the categorization is what I had a problem with. The mac n’ cheese was spectacular.
Nothing quite like causing some controversy on a Monday morning. Just a brief disclaimer: this ranking is 100% the truth and cannot be debated. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules, but this is my fucking blog, so sorry, but those are the rules. I was born in 1995, so keep that in mind as I didn’t watch some of the earliest ones much and haven’t seen any of the most recent ones. Let’s rank some classics.
No. 17: Life is Ruff (2005)
This blockbuster had it all: dogs. That’s pretty much the only good part of this movie, in my memory.
No. 16: Jump In! (2007)
This movie was Corbin Bleu’s big break. It reminds me of Jump Rope for Heart. Wasn’t that a thing in elementary school? I remember I used to rig the jump roping contest because the last person standing won. I just did it a glacial pace and ended up winning. I also never could do double dutch, which was the main plot point of this movie.
No. 15: Alley Cats Strike (2001)
I gotta be honest: There’s really only one part of this movie that I remember. Obviously, it’s a bowling movie and there was a climactic 7-10 split. Everyone who is anyone knows that this is an almost impossible shot. If you didn’t try this at $1 family day at the local bowling alley, you are more full of shit than you even know. Spoiler alert: Everyone hates you when you do this since the ball takes 10 minutes to get down the lane.
No. 14: Cadet Kelly (2002)
Only putting this in to plug that Hilary Duff and I have the same birthday. When I found this out in 3rd grade, my world changed. Also, as a big women’s rights guy, this movie has done a lot for female empowerment in the military, imo.
No.13: Motocrossed (2001)
Another entry in the “Women Can Do Sports and Stuff” genre. Straight from the Wikipedia entry on this movie:
Motocrossed is a 2001 Disney Channel Original Movie about a girl named Andrea Carson who loves motocross, despite the fact that her father finds her unsuited for the sport, being that she is “just a girl”.
This movie also made me want to ride a bike for a little while afterward. It gets extra points because motocross is such an exciting sport. Shoutout the X Games, which come on every summer and I always forget about it until it is inevitably on ESPN at 10 pm in the middle of July.
No.12: Minutemen (2008)
Points were deducted because Jason Dolley, of Cory in the House fame, played a character named Virgil. Fucking VIRGIL. I guarantee no one has been named Virgil in at least 2,000 years. But points were gained because it’s a movie about time travel and they have the dopest name ever: Snowsuit Guys. And there’s a black hole involved. Pretty cool.
No. 11: Eddie’s Million Dollar Cook-Off (2003)
This movie combines two of America’s past-times: baseball and cooking. I think this might be the originator of this famous Disney plot point:
Dad in every Disney channel movie: but son, you're giving up your DREAM Son in every Disney channel movie: no dad, I'm giving up ~yours~
My man Eddie plays for the Groundhogs (again, no athletic team has ever been called the Groundhogs) and is coached by his dad. But of course, chaos ensues, once again from the Wikipedia page:
As it turns out, the day of the baseball finals and the day of the cook-off are the same, leaving Eddie to make the choice to please his father or follow his dreams.
No. 10: Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam (2010)
Probably one of the most anticipated sequels of my lifetime. This movie introduced me to one of my favorite songs:
As a fellow man that struggles with communication, particularly in relationships with women, I relate to Nick Jonas here. Gotta do whatcha gotta do to talk to girls, it’s tough. Side note: Connect 3 is a dumb band name.
No. 9: Smart House (1999)
This isn’t a fiction movie: This is a manifesto. Exhibit A of why Amazon Alexa and Google Home and Siri can never be trusted. I have never used Siri and I have had my iPhone for 3.5 years.
No.8: StarStruck (2010)
Finally, a character with a name suitable for his character arc: Christopher Wilde, the teen heartthrob singer. The classic “I-Don’t-Care-About-This-Boy-But-I-Still-Fell-For-Him-After-Knowing-Him-For-Three-Hours” plot point. Christopher Wilde aka Prince Charming, amirite? Also, this movie introduced the world to this absolute bop:
Another entry in the “basketball/hijinks ensue” genre. This gets points for being synonymous with a holiday. Every St. Patrick’s Day, this movie would be played almost on loop. Best character name? Reilly O’Reilly.
No. 6: The Thirteenth Year (1999)
This one gets points for the originality. Most mermaid movies (see: The Little Mermaid) focus on the female mermaid experience whereas this one focuses on the male mermaid experience. Also, if you didn’t have a crush on Cody’s mermaid mom, you’re just lying to yourself.
No.5: Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie (2009)
This was in my Disney Channel watching prime. I was a huge fan of the show, specifically Alex Russo aka Selena Gomez. As I re-read the Wikipedia page for research purposes, it was actually a super-dramatic movie. I remember it for the part that determined who would retain their wizard powers forever.
No. 4: Lemonade Mouth (2011)
Probably the last Disney Channel Original Movie I got amped up for. Absolutely fantastic music. Also introduced us to the word “Determinate.” What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t know, but the song slaps.
No. 3: Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century (1999)
Just an absolutely spectacular film, and I won’t hear any slander about the slang being absolutely ridiculous. The special effects made this movie what it was. It also stars a baby Raven-Symone before she blew up. Another movie with a song that slaps. “Zoom, zoom, zoom, make my heart go boom, boom.” Give this man a Grammy.
No. 2: High School Musical 2 (2007)
Sorry to disappoint, but I was never really into the first High School Musical. But the second one was right in my prime. Home all summer, too young to work, too old for day camp. Just sit around and watch Disney Channel all day. I think I learned a lot about relationships while watching this movie. Obligatory plug of the song that slaps:
Although I have a soft spot for using this song to illustrate why I don’t go to clubs:
No. 1: Camp Rock (2008)
Demi Lovato’s coming-out party and what a party it was. This was teased on Disney Channel for like six months and I made sure to not have any hoodrat plans with my friends when this movie premiered. So many great songs. I’ll attach some of my favorites. A great movie to reference while talking to a Tinder match to show off your soft side.
Once again, this is the definitive list and you can’t disagree with me.
Look, I don’t mean to be a Debby Downer, but there’s a lot of shit in this world that pisses me off. Little things, big things, it varies. Today, I went out to lunch and my straw was too small for my drink.
To some, this is a minor inconvenience. For me, it’s just about the worst thing that has ever happened to me. You know the feeling: Your mouth is floating through space, literally grasping at straws. In a normal scenario, a straw has leverage and is taller than the cup. Today, my straw was about a half-inch shorter than the cup and I looked like an idiot trying to get a drink.
It was a lot of work and it was upsetting to me. I just don’t think it’s too much to ask for straws to be the proper size relative to the cup it is inhabiting. Figure it the fuck out.
It’s the best time of the year, and no, I’m not talking about the Sonic half-price milkshake after 8 pm promotion. It’s the Women’s College World Series, the pinnacle of the sport. My girl Miranda Elish got knocked out, literally and figuratively, of the tournament last round so now I am in search of a new team and girl. I think I found both.
A mere 15 seconds after showing a montage of bat flips that this girl has already done this year, Samantha Show of Oregon State clobbered a ball to the moon and threw the bat with so much disrespect I couldn’t tell if she thought it was a home run or a pop-up.
Will this change the future of the bat-flip game? Everyone knows that softball moves the needle, it will be interesting to see if this trend makes it way to the MLB. Personally, I’m more a fan of an actual flip, but any celebration is a good celebration.
For those crying about bat flips, get the fuck out of here. Any time fun is injected into sports, we should be encouraging it.
There’s so much dumb shit that happens in the world. You’d think by the year 2019 people would be on the same page when it comes to simple human decency and etiquette. The latest transgression involves the sitting situation while on a date. You simply can NOT sit on the same side of a booth while on a one-on-one date. DON’T FUCKING DO IT.
I kind of want to talk to these aliens and see what the possible benefits of this arrangement are. If I did this, I would need a neck massage due to the frequency I would have to turn and talk to my date. Do they not sense the awkwardness of having an empty side of the booth? So much negative space.
I suppose if you’re tryna get a little frisky, maybe some OTPHJs, this would be the ideal arrangement. But a normal date should be revolved around conversation. PDA and sex stuff should not occur outside the home.
Also, what do waiters think when people do this? I would automatically assume they were waiting on someone. I’m still just so dumbfounded by this debacle. I’m so rattled and it happened three hours ago.
uneducated guesses 